


Pushing Too Hard

by Blubunn



Series: You're Beautiful [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Drabble, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blubunn/pseuds/Blubunn
Summary: As they get ready for bed, Dean snaps at Castiel when he tries to tell him how beautiful he is.





	Pushing Too Hard

 

 _“_ Dean…” Castiel murmured as Dean turned his back to him.  
  
“Don’t say it, Cas,” Dean warned as he punched his pillow into a shape he liked before resting his head on it.  
  
“Why is it so hard to believe?”  
  
“Just because you say it over and over doesn’t make it true. I hate that you keep saying it.”  
  
Castiel rested against the headboard, looking at his hands in his lap. “I wish you could see it…how bright it gets…the souls you’ve seen…Dean, they’re not like yours.”  
  
“I don’t believe you.” Dean’s eyes lowered as his brow softened. His voice became low and remorseful, “Cas, you don’t do the things I’ve done and still have a soul worth anything. Someone like me can’t be redeemed.”  
  
“You redeemed me.”  
  
Dean stilled. “That’s different…You’re different…” even as he said it, he could taste the lies as clearly as Cas could hear them.  
  
“The atrocities I’ve committed, Dean,” Castiel murmured tracing the life line in his own palm, “they shouldn’t have been forgiven, but you’ve forgiven me. You helped me forgive myself. You showed me that I was more than my failings. You made me believe I was beautiful.”  
  
“You are beautiful, Cas,” Dean protested.  
  
“So are you, Dean. You’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. Even to this day.”  
  
“Cas, I’m sorry–”  
  
“Don’t apologize to me, Dean,” Castiel grimaced. “I’m not trying to corner you into feeling bad. Not for me. Not for anything. I just want you to know that I understand. I want you to let me help you the way you helped me.”  
  
Castiel leaned over and rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “I want you to be able to look in the mirror and see the brilliance that I see. You’ve hated yourself for too long. Please, let me help you.”  
  
Dean shifted his face further into his pillow so Castiel couldn’t see any of him. “We’ll talk more in the morning, Cas…let me sleep now…”  
  
Castiel wanted to protest, but he could already see the heavy shadow weighing down Dean’s soul. They would talk. They would talk until they were both blue in the face. They would find a way to chip away at Dean’s demons. It wouldn’t be all at once. A conversation here. A pillow talk there. But Castiel was determined to be there for Dean. If he needed to throw things and scream, or cry and be held, or even just stand still, Castiel would be there for all of that till the very end.  
  
Castiel leaned down and kissed Dean’s temple. He wouldn’t say it again tonight. They were tired, and the weight on Dean’s soul was far too heavy, but as Castiel turned and laid down to wait for Dean to rise with the sun, he pressed himself against his back. Castiel would lay with him through the night, and as Dean allowed himself to lean back against him, Castiel knew that he trusted him. Dean would trust him to not only protect him through the night, but to help him through what tortured him


End file.
